Once we picked one up and exchanged kisses, there was no way to back out even though we had aggreed no to make a hasty judgment. We consoled ourselves with the concept that, having outlived four Miniature Schnauzers in our previous doggy relationships, certainly we could handle one tiny Scotty.

So we dubbed him Angus, took him home and called him Gus. It took only a few days before we had other names for this lively puppy as he fast became the mayor of the household. At 3:00 am in the backyard, we called him Black Angus because he was hard to keep track of. As he grew and became stronger-by the minute it seemed-he learned to pick up his styrofoam dog bed and whip it around over his head. He seemed to growl his approval when we called him Mighty Dog. When we found him chewing on everything he could sink his teeth into, we called him Trouble.

He is adept at nipping ankles and hands with razor-sharp baby teeth. To him, biting and growling are ways of talking. Our part of the conversation goes something like this: "No, no, don't bite. Stop it, stop it. Ouch. Uh, uh! Those are my good shoes! Lick, don't bite." Both of us have shed blood and been awarded the Purple Heart with Oak Leaf Clusters arriving every week. My wife's hosiery have had more runs scored on them than runs scored by the Atlanta Braves during their entire season.

The other day Trouble crawled under our bed and cracked the housing of our telephone jack, pulling the connecting plug out in the process. When I bellied under the bed with a flashlight to survey the damage, Trouble was right beside me to assist. There was no way I could restore the jack to the housing: it was a shambles. The best I could do was return the plug to the jack and leave it on the rug. I could see that Trouble would repeat the undoing in an instant. He was primed, ready for action. Then I was inspired with an idea that might foolproof the device.

I got a bottle of Louisiana Hot Sauce and sprinkled it on the rug and housing. I released Trouble to return to the scene of the crime. He didn't stay long.

Reappearing with his tongue hanging out, he fled to the kitchen and his water bowl.

I have similarly foolproofed other items that needed to be treated for security purposes. Hot Lips is now very careful about biting anything that has a sharp tang to it.