Life In General

One of the faithful few in the General Police Department was Kenny Penderton. He and his sweet little wife Marilyn lived in the one and only subdivision in General, Piney Acres - thus named for the occasional scrub pine that dotted the barren surface where the economy-minded builder had dozed the landscape nude before erecting the twenty or so homes in the development.

Kenny and Marilyn had a great view of the neighborhood; situated at an angle on a corner lot between Dotty Drive (named for the builder's wife) and Cindy Lane (you guessed it-the builder's daughter), the house was low and flat with a nice front stoop and a two-car carport.

Marilyn stayed home with the children, as did most wives in General and Kenny worked the evening shift, often taking his break to come by and have supper with Marilyn and the boys. The household was a peaceful one and given to no unusual habits save one - Kenny liked to sleep in the nude.

Under ordinary circumstances, this would not be considered "unusual," but in Kenny's case, he was his own worst enemy. You see, Officer Penderton suffered from a condition that did not go well with nocturnal nudity-he sleep-walked. And that's how the whole thing happened.

About midnight one night, Kenny had come home, stripped off and fallen fast asleep. A short time later Marilyn awoke to see Kenny's well-built frame silhouetted in the moonlight as he padded across their bedroom floor. "Kenneth," Marilyn called, (She always called him Kenneth.) "where are you going, honey?"

Kenny, who often would answer in his sleep, replied, "To put the cat out," and he continued toward the hallway.

Marilyn got up and intervened, steering him back to bed and assuring him that their non-existent cat was already outside. She pulled the sheet back over them and went back to sleep.

The next sound she heard was a horn blowing and a voice calling, "Hey, Penderton, if you got it, flaunt it!" followed by a succession of doorbell ringings and the pounding of fists on the front door of their house. Not only did Kenny proceed to put his imaginary cat out after Marilyn had fallen back to sleep, but he had turned on the front porch lights and locked himself out as he did so.

Jim Tilson, who was not only one of their neighbors but also a city councilman, was returning from a bowling tournament and had spotted poor Kenny and aimed the car so that the headlights lit the house like a Broadway stage. Amid the lights and the noise, Kenny had awakened and frantically sought to regain entry into the safety of his own home.

By the time Marilyn got to the front door, a fair number of folks had awakened and stood gazing toward the scene, adding their hoots and shouts to Jim’s. Although everyone already knew who it was, Elmer Price at the town newspaper was kind enough to run the picture with black tape over Kenny's face-and elsewhere, too.